“Our” Eldon

For those of you whose Monday nights in the mid 80’s revolved around the TV sitcom Murphy Brown, you’ll get this analogy immediately…for others, just bear with me. Yes, we have our own German version of “Eldon”.

He appears whenever we have odd projects needing to be done around the apartment, a list which never seems to be complete. His handiwork (and I use that term loosely) ranges from installing light fixtures, doing cabinetry, plumbing, hanging pictures, installing window screens, construction, to minor repair and fix (including his own repairs that are a result of his own doing ).

I suppose we should be grateful. With no apparent hardware store in sight, I know that the everyday tools, home improvement necessities, and basic gadgets that are in the arsenal of every “power-tool”- armed, tool belt hanging from the waist” red blooded American must exist somewhere in this city. We just have not found it yet.

So, what is a body to do? Enter Franz (A.K.A. our Eldon), the Polish native handyman who has built quite the handy-man business in Düsseldorf. We believe he has a work permit to live and work in Germany, but that detail was never fully understood by us, primarily due to the broken English, German, Polish conversations we’ve shared. Franz has already been out to the apartment 10+ times to assist in some various household project. Often, he brings his “Eldon-like” assistant along for the job. The concept of a written estimate, let alone a verbal estimate, escapes him. An early request from Buddy on this very topic seemed to appall and offend him. He does the job, but the price will be less if paid in cash (yes, that much we get…no translation needed). Apparently, he does not want to pay the taxes….

We’ve also realized that while Franz does good work, it is always going to turn out a little different than you think it will. Thus, proving the adage, “There is more than one way to do something.” We quickly learned that Franz needs a little guidance or the results may be less than optimal. Case in point: We needed Franz to a hang a ceiling light fixture in an area where the electrical outlet had been patched over (why, we don’t know – not a single light in the living room). Unfortunately, due to lots of conference calls at work, my anal retentive supervision did not allow tight QC of the process and light hanging methodology. Voila…I have a newly hung ceiling fixture with 2 other holes in the ceiling. Apparently, he could not find the wiring. OK…could happen to anyone, but then he cuts a piece of wall paper (the ceilings are papered and painted over, rather than textured and painted) and covers the holes. “Good as new”, he says and proudly swings his right arm ceiling ward as if he is Vanna White turning a letter. The smile on his face was that of a proud papa holding his first born!

Well, we said good bye to “Eldon” today for a while, completing what I hope will be the last of a series of projects for some time. Being new to the city, Buddy and I seem to see Eldon more that almost any other person in Düsseldorf. As I realized that today, I thought, “Man, that‘s gotta change”. Next thing I know, Eldon will be a permanent fixture around the apartment, not unlike Murphy’s handy-man….